A method and apparatus provide recipient control of the delivery of an electronic message. The sender of the message, which can be text, audio, video and multimedia, delivers the message to the recipient's carrier's optimally located mail server. Rather than sending the complete message, the sender's mail server transmits a short message containing in the header a mail server address and/or hyperlink where the message resides, along with the address and/or hyperlink of any applet needed to read the message. The recipient can then choose whether or not to receive the entire message.